Last Saturday, I found the guts to face a hard fact—that the way I live now doesn't allow for much community-building, and it hurts deeply that I actually cried about it. I felt alone.
The tears were triggered when Kimchi Taco and I were exchanging stories of how we spent our Saturday. He was at the beach with some friends from seminary and I was alone the whole day, just reading and eating (I made sure to exercise that day, too). Our experiences were diametrically opposed. I got envious and the sense of longing for deep connections surfaced, making me so emotional during our conversation. I enjoy alone time but I am fully aware that I need to go out more. It wasn't his fault that I was feeling that way nor was it completely my choice to be such a homebody.
I miss my friends but it's relatively hard connecting in person because we're all scattered. I don't have my own space to invite people over for a meal. When I do invite pals to go out, most of the time our schedules don't line up. When we do settle on a date, it won't push through. I'm part of two congregations: one in Manila where I work and my hometown church. I meet with a small group from the church here in Manila (which happens to be a mega church with different service schedules) but we rarely attend services together. You try and it doesn't happen and it could get frustrating.
Ironically, I started a blog series where guest bloggers would explore and write about community. But that one particular Saturday amplified how much I craved intimacy with other people and how it's currently a challenge to achieve that.
So what will I do about it?
I will review the Koinonia series posts. I want to thank my guest bloggers again for sharing their thoughts, experiences, and learnings for the series.
I will accept the reality of my living setup but I will keep desiring to be hospitable and loving at all times. I got very excited when I found out that She Reads Truth will have a plan on hospitality. The longing to host people and cultivate long-lasting friendships is strong in me, so I hope the plan will be one way to help prepare me when the tides turn.
I will be ready to love well wherever I'm at right now.
Hang onto Jesus.