Aug 3, 2014

When "I Do" Becomes an Idol (A Little Note to Self)

I’m finally engaged. Now I’m only a step away from where I should be.

Woah, woah there. Hold on. You mean to say you’re not yet where you’re supposed to be and that somehow, God is taking a while in doing that?

Marriage is not supposed to complete you.
Don’t act as if God owes you a husband.
You are where you’re supposed to be. You are to bloom where you’re planted.

Marriage is not a higher level of existence. It is life changing and perhaps the second best thing that could happen to you (next to the Lord), but it is just a state of living nonetheless. 

Engagement is not like limbo where life temporarily stops and then resumes on the wedding day. Even as you prepare for the marriage (not just the wedding) during engagement, marriage is not the end but only the beginning. It is a powerful means to your ultimate end:

Christlikeness. To behold Christ in his fullness and become like him; to worship and enjoy him forever.

Your future husband is not your savior. While he is called to love you as Christ loved the church, he is not the one who died for you and redeemed you from your slavery to sin.

Consider how you write about your marriage as well. Consider how your Facebook status updates and blog posts affect readers who are single. Search your heart and think,

Are you sharing your thoughts and experiences because deep inside you want to make others jealous? 


Are you focusing on other areas of growth? Are you cultivating community? Or do you have such a strong grip on your beloved that your union with him primarily drives your thoughts and activities on the day-to-day? Do you have a healthy perspective of the future?

Oh, and a word on physical union. Sex in marriage is something to look forward to, but it’s not all there is to it. Even as a married couple, brief occasions of abstinence may be beneficial and healthy to your relationship. Sex is a covenant binder but it should not be central.

Who sits at the altar of your heart? Has the wedding become like a little god that you give too much time and attention to? Are you out to please your self or God who blessed you with this relationship?

You long to be pursued and you just. can't. wait. to be his wife. Well my friend, there is someone who pursues your heart daily. He is the true lover of your soul and you are his bride.

You are not your own, you were bought with a price. He redeemed you with his very life. 

Can you hear him calling? Can you hear his song inviting you to feast with him at his table? Do you remember that at the end of all things, you will be part of a wedding banquet infinitely greater than your wedding ceremony and reception? Are your eyes set on that promise or have you become so shortsighted?

He stands and knocks at the door of your heart. Will you remember his covenant with you? 
Do you believe that God is teaching you so many things here and now, and that you should pay attention to them?
Do you look to him alone for security?
Do you trust him when he says he makes everything beautiful in their time?
Do you want to keep growing in this season of your life, being pruned by the Lord so you can bear much fruit?

To these, my dear, I hope you say with all your heart:

"I do."


  1. This was beautifully, honestly written. I particularly like your rhetorical questions near the end and the clincher. It's a great reminder for all of us to lay down our respective idols and bring our pure worship and devotion to the worthy Christ, our King. I pray it speaks to others as it spoke to me, and I pray that we will never fail to adore Christ first in our engagement as we expect to do in our marriage. :> Great stuff!

    1. Thank you, my love! I always appreciate it when you read what I write :) I pray the Lord continues to refine and grow us as a couple in the days, months, and years to come <3

  2. This was something I needed to hear! Thanks for your honesty in this post.

    1. Thank you for reading, Jenna! Blessings to you today :)

  3. YES. This is so beautifully written. Thank you for confronting a hard topic!

    1. Hey Lauren. Thanks for reading! These thoughts have been crowding up my head so it's about time to process and pray about them :)

  4. This was awesome. Thank you so much for speaking truth into an area that not a lot of people do very often. It's a hard topic and truth to live. In all areas of our lives, are we blooming where we're planted. Thank you, thank you. So glad to have found you through The Peony Project. Your space is beautiful. ~Jenna // A Mama Collective

    1. Hi Jenna! Thank you for dropping by. Plants are living things but they can't move on their own, haha. The Lord is our vinedresser and he knows how to take care of us.

      I visited A Mama Collective today. Expect me to keep coming back :)

  5. Well said! I think it brings such a paradigm shift to really let it sink in that this life is not about me being as comfortable as possible. It's not about me feeling special to someone. Not about me feeling cherished by a significant other.

    What a change it brought to me when God gently said, "I'm placing you in this season of life for a reason, and I expect you to steward it."


    1. Haha yes. My prayer is that as we grow in intimacy with other people, the weight of God's glory will be the heaviest in our lives :)

  6. so wonderfully written, thank you for pouring this out from your heart. I see so often young women waiting for their life to begin when they meet the "one". It makes me remember what I was told years ago, (well, it's the gist of it anyway) , if you are not happy with you and your life when you are single, why would you be when you are married? i am still me even after my wedding just over a year ago, and he is still him. Yes, we love each other and enjoy spending time together but God should be our top priority.